


Body Image

by DangerousCommieSubversive



Category: X-Men - All Media Types
Genre: Body Image, Body Modification, Gen, Identity Issues, Self-Determination
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-05-28
Updated: 2014-05-28
Packaged: 2018-01-26 22:18:30
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,223
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1704578
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DangerousCommieSubversive/pseuds/DangerousCommieSubversive
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Laura has a crisis of body image and self-determination, and decides that she would like to get...</p><p>Well, she'd like to get fat.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Body Image

Laura gazes thoughtfully into her orange juice and then says, “I think I would like to get fat.”

Remy opens his mouth to say something, pauses, starts to speak again, stops again. Coughs. Says, carefully, “Repeat that, _cher?_ ”

“I think,” she swallows a gulp of juice, “I would like to get fat.”

“...c'n I ask why?”

“Well, Jubilee took me shopping the other day.”

Remy starts to get worried.

“And we discussed why she enjoys shopping, and why she enjoys purchasing clothing in particular. She is very intelligent, and her interest in clothing and in making herself attractive confuses me.” Laura stops for a moment to take a bite of toast, chewing and swallowing with careful savor before continuing. “She said that she enjoys being able to customize her appearance to suit her own desires, and that it is not to attract the attention of others. That she does it because _she_ decides what she looks like.”

Remy nods, then frowns. “Jubes said all that?”

“I am paraphrasing.” Laura holds up one of her arms, staring at her slim wrist in the light streaming in through one of the kitchen windows. “I have always looked as I was made to look, with little variation. People tell me I'm attractive, but I...I don't have a body of my own. I have a body that was given to me. I have never truly put my own stamp on it.

“So I think I would like to put on weight, to change my shape. To see if it suits me.”

“Ok, then.” Remy looks across the kitchen table at her plate. “Well, _cher,_ you do what makes you happy, but if you wanna get fat, you may wanna start by having something more'n buttered toast for breakfast.”

 

–

 

It doesn't go too well.

She does up her food intake—getting seconds, and often thirds, at meals at the mansion, eating a lot of fast food, snacking whenever she's offered something or the mood takes her. She finds that she likes several kinds of cheese, that she doesn't like pickles, that she very much enjoys candy and sweet foods but that chocolate makes her slightly ill. Eating good food makes her happy, and in some ways it's easier to connect with other people at the mansion now that she can discuss it with them.

She does gain a few pounds.

But she doesn't get _fat._

After a month she goes to see Dr. McCoy.

He listens gravely to her as she explains her problem, making a few notes but not interrupting or saying anything at all until she's done. He weighs her and checks her blood pressure, and then takes several vials of blood, and runs them through his recently-updated diagnostic machines while she sits on the examining table, eating a cookie and drinking a can of soda and looking irritated.

About five minutes later the diagnostics are done running, and Henry is obscurely pleased by how much he's managed to improve the machines. Getting some of the other scientists he knows to come assist with upgrades has clearly paid off. He reads through the results and nods thoughtfully. “My dear, I think I see what the problem is.”

She swallows the last of her cookie, hard. “What is it? Am I not eating enough yet?”

He looks at her, sighs, and pulls over a chair. “Laura, you're eating plenty. In fact, we've all been thrilled to see you taking so much pleasure in meals. But, well...”

“Well?”

“You're not seeing the kind of weight gain you want because you have the wrong kind of metabolism for it. When your body's working at peak efficiency, which given your healing factor it almost always is, you burn through calories too quickly to get...fat. If you increase your protein intake and do a few exercises, you should be able to put on muscle, which _would_ change the shape of your body, and I'd be _happy_ to recommend you some foods for that. But...well, to be frank, if you actually got _fat,_ in the way that you tell me you want to, it would be a sign of something going seriously wrong with your body chemistry or powers. You're not—” he almost says “built for it,” and then thinks better of that and goes for, “you're not set up right for it. It runs in the family. I can tell you this for a fact, Logan's looked the same for _decades._ ”

She scowls. “But I don't _want_ to look the same. I want to look _different._ _I_ want to be the one who decides how I look.”

Henry ponders it, watching her as she finishes her soda, and says, “Well, Emma's always told me that a haircut and some new makeup always make her feel like a positively new person. Maybe you should try that.”

 

–

 

The next day, after breakfast, Laura goes looking for Emma Frost.

She _finds_ Emma in the teacher's lounge, grading papers with a grimace on her perfectly made-up face while on Jubilee feeds Shogo on the couch. “Ms. Frost?”

Emma looks up at her, seeming annoyed for a moment, but when she sees that it's Laura her annoyance fades to guarded courtesy. “What is it, Laura?”

Laura considers phrasing. “I would like your advice on a matter of some importance.”

And Emma sits up straighter. “Of course. Do we need to discuss it privately?”

“No. I...” Laura pauses. Looks away. “I would like to get a haircut.”

Jubilee looks up from Shogo's face, startled.

“And a...a makeover.”

Emma actually drops her pencil. She and Jubilee glance at each other.

“I would like your advice on how to proceed.”

 

–

 

The haircut Laura settles on, after Emma and Jubilee produce two large stacks of fashion magazines and argue about the shape of her face for half an hour, is a trim bob that brushes her jawline, with her bangs cut straight across her forehead. Emma approves immediately, telling her it's “very Louise Brooks,” and Jubilee grumbles but relents by the time they've arrived at Emma's intimidatingly upscale salon. (There hadn't been any slots available before Emma called, the salon being one of the finest in New York City and booked months in advance, but the appointment-setter had fallen all over herself “freeing up a spot” as soon as Emma had said her name.) Having her hair shampooed and blow-dried and cut—having it take so _long—_ is _definitely_ strange for Laura, but when she looks at herself in the mirror afterwards she finds that she's pleased. She even smiles, at least a little.

Then there's the manicure and pedicure, and the manicurist coos over her “lovely skin” and compliments her hair and paints her nails in little black-and-white stripes, which is...fun. It's fun.

And _then_ they descend on Bergdorf Goodman like a trio of sweetly-scented Furies, because when Emma Frost consents to give you a makeover, she doesn't just mean makeup. She means _wardrobing._

Laura likes Alexander McQueen and Yves St Laurent and Stella McCartney. Emma doesn't let her look at or ask about any of the prices, and after a Frost glare the salespeople don't at any point attempt to say them. Jubilee gapes, bouncing Shogo on her hip, as Emma puts Laura in outfit after outfit, and then squeals with delight when they find a look that works.

The makeup counters are next, and—Laura has an allergic reaction to the first three foundations they try. She doesn't like the powders or creams, and she doesn't want to look like she's blushing, but after a great deal of sighing and fussing Jubilee and Emma finally get her to put on some eyeliner, and she likes that. She also likes lipstick, and Emma and Jubilee _also_ argue with each other about _that._

At the end of the shopping trip, before they go to lunch, Laura pauses in front of a full-length mirror and examines herself.* She's got a new outfit, and new shoes, a new haircut and makeup that _she_ picked out. She's carrying three shopping bags in one carefully-manicured hand.

She looks...different.

Good different. Nice different.

But she doesn't think she can look like this every day.

She smiles at herself in the mirror, and then Emma calls her to hurry to the taxi so that they can all go have an absurdly expensive lunch.

 

_*Laura’s[haircut](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/File:Louise_Brooks_Stars_of_the_Photoplay.jpg), [outfit](http://www.bergdorfgoodman.com/Cushnie-et-Ochs-High-Low-Hem-Tunic-Top-Moto-Style-Leather-Leggings-Cushnie-Et-Ochs/prod100020005_cat431904__/p.prod?icid=&searchType=EndecaDrivenCat&rte=%252Fcategory.jsp%253FitemId%253Dcat431904%2526pageSize%253D30%2526No%253D0%2526refinements%253D&eItemId=prod100020005&cmCat=product), [shoes](http://www.bergdorfgoodman.com/Stuart-Weitzman-Arise-Loafer-Wedge-Pump/prod82100008_cat223300__/p.prod?icid=&searchType=EndecaDrivenCat&rte=%252Fcategory.service%253FitemId%253Dcat223300%2526pageSize%253D30%2526No%253D0%2526Ns%253DPCS_SORT%2526refinements%253D717%252C&eItemId=prod82100008&cmCat=product), and [lipstick](http://www.bergdorfgoodman.com/Tom-Ford-Beauty-Lip-Color-Bruised-Plum/prod90710038_cat243473__/p.prod?icid=&searchType=EndecaDrivenCat&rte=%252Fcategory.service%253FitemId%253Dcat243473%2526pageSize%253D30%2526No%253D30%2526Ns%253DPCS_SORT%2526refinements%253D&eItemId=prod90710038&cmCat=product), courtesy of Emma Grace Frost and her Suitcase Full Of Cash._

–

 

The new look from her makeover is wonderful, but it's hard to maintain. She doesn't want to wear her makeup every day. Her beautiful clothes have to be washed sometime, and she doesn't want to give up her old things _entirely._

When she realizes that, as is inevitable, her hair is growing out, she almost punches her mirror.

Her next attempt at changing herself is done entirely privately—she creeps out of the mansion one evening, heads to the nearest town, and gets her ears pierced. It doesn't really hurt, and it looks nice, and she likes it.

But of course, piercings need to be cared for, and a week later, when she removes one stud to clean the hole, it heals up.

She _does_ break the mirror. And then she stares down at the earring in her hand, and doesn't have the heart to push it back through her earlobe, even though she knows she could.

 

–

 

Daken wakes with a start and the hideous, infuriating realization that there's someone in his room—and that, even worse, he hadn't noticed it until _now._

He sits up, _looks_ up, and Laura is standing over his— _Laura?_ _What?_

He stares at her, at an irritating loss for words, and she stares at him. He considers snapping at her for waking him up in the middle of the night, but out of the corner of his eye the clock blinks _11:30 AM_ , so that wouldn't really work.

Something's _different_ about her.

And after a moment he realizes.

He says, “I like your new haircut. You look very cute.”

“How did you _do_ it?”

“I'm sorry, how did I do _what?_ Also, how did you even _find_ me? I'm not supposed to be _alive,_ let alone trackable to _this_ dump.” It's a four-star dump, but that's beside the point. And she's clearly not going anywhere, so he rolls out of bed and goes to the dresser to get a pair of pants.

“I want to know how you _did_ it.” Her voice is actually shaking. “I, I _tried,_ but I cannot gain _weight,_ I can't get _heavier_ or _curve_ , I can't get _taller,_ and I mean. I mean. Emma got me a haircut and got me makeup and gave me new clothes and _that_ didn't work. And I can't get a piercing.”

“Why _are_ you only wearing one earring, anyway?” He finds pants, drapes them over the back of the chair, and starts trying to decide on a shirt.

“The hole closed up. It didn't work.”

He looks over at her, and—is she _crying?_ This is _not_ something he knows how to deal with. Not with her. “Ah. Well.” Tissues, good, he has tissues. He passes her one. “Blow your nose.”

She does so. Noisily.

“Now. How did I do _what?_ ”

She makes a motion that almost looks violent, but all she's doing is jabbing at his left shoulder. _“That.”_

Oh.

He nods, and thinks about it as he puts on his shirt and pants, pulls up his suspenders, buttons up his vest.

She sits down on his bed, blows her nose again, and stares at her shoes.

“Well, the artist who did mine died several decades ago.”

She nods dully.

“But I know a man who owes me a favor.”

She looks up at him.

“I suppose I should warn you. It's going to hurt a _lot._ ”

 

–

 

When Laura walks through the mansion gates two weeks later Remy runs into her so hard that he almost knocks her over. Then he hugs her, lifting her off her feet, and she laughs breathlessly and hugs him back.

It's only once he's put her down that he says, “Where you _been,_ girl? You had us all worried sick, you!”

“I had to go find someone. You wouldn't have approved.”

“I wouldn'ta—” Remy looks down at her and frowns. “You tracked down that no-good brother'a yours, didn't you?”

“I had a question I needed to ask him.”

“He have an answer that you didn't punch him for? 'cause if he said anything wrong to you, I'll knock 'is teeth out.”

“He told me what I needed to know.”

“Am I allowed to know what it was?”

She pauses, and then shrugs her jacket off. “See?”

He stares. “Well, ain't that a sight.”

Laura's right arm and shoulder are covered in art, pink and red flowers and black vines etched deeply into her skin. It even spreads down onto her hand, little buds opening between her knuckles.*

She says, “I decided on the design myself.”

He smiles. “Prettiest thing I've seen in years, _cher._ And did I ever tell you I like the new haircut? It's cute.”

She smiles.

The door to the mansion opens behind them.

And Jubilee says, “Oh my _god._ You got a _tattoo._ ”

_*Inspiration for Laura’s tattoo[here](http://www.tattoostime.com/japanese-flower-tattoos-on-right-back-shoulder/) and [here](http://www.tattoostime.com/tribal-and-acacia-flower-tattoos-on-back/)._


End file.
